My trip to Costa Rica changed my life.
Updated: Aug 16, 2018
I never knew picking up a parasite would have been such a life changing moment.
"I began researching how to get rid of the parasites naturally and how to build immunity against them in the first place. What is also interesting to note, Gabe did not get them. He was over there with his probiotics and apple cider vinegar with some "I told you so " face on. I didn't understand."
My family and I were on a trip to Costa Rica when we found literal WORMS in Samaya's poop! I was so conflicted- part of me wanted to go get medication and the other part of me wanted to cure it holistically and understand energetically why we ended up with worms.
I began researching how to get rid of the parasites naturally and how to build immunity against them in the first place. What is also interesting to note, Gabe did not get them. He was over there with his probiotics and apple cider vinegar with some "I told you so " face on. I just didn't understand yet.
At this point I had been battling with bulimia for over 10 years.
It had been dormant for 4-5 years but after I had my daughter the sluggish days on the couch and emotional rollercoaster of motherhood turned into me reaching for all the comfort food. The stress of raising my daughter in 3 states, loneliness and dealing with my new role as mother left me eating like shit. I began to purge again.
By the time Samaya was 8 months and starting to really eat solids I realized I had to give this up. I was ashamed and wanted to break the cycle. Not just for me, but I wanted to teach my daughter about good eating habits, balance, and I would NEVER want her to experience this herself.
I began paying attention to what i was eating, and how it made me feel. I wanted so badly to have the energy and motivation to eat clean and exercise, but i was a in a cycle. I asked myself "If I want Samaya to grow up in a different environment than I did, how can I keep this up?. (Btw I grew up on Pepsi, ho-ho's, and potato chips.)
Depression, anxiety, and bad eating are a vicious cycle. Things that I had battled with quietly and on a small scale for years. When I found my love and passion for yoga and health 4 years ago I thought it was behind me. But transitioning through motherhood really triggered the resting beast. There were no more easy buttons. Two a day yoga classes- aint no mama have time for that. Crash dieting- I was too emotional. Throwing up- so dark, so many health risks.
Grasping to the tiniest victories I began to stop purging. I gained weight because although I stopped the purging, my emotional/ NYC diet was still all over the place. Outting myself to my community on IG Live was a good step in the right direction. I felt emotionally lighter and it held me mentally accountable. I still had no idea how to move forward long term, it was moment to moment.
But off we went to Costa Rica, it had always easy to heal there....
So what do the parasites that have to do with bulimia? While I was reaching for the comfort foods and avoiding all the bitter greens for the past 10 months- Gabe had been right next to me making super food smoothies, adaptogen tinctures, and drinking apple cider vinegar shots. As I began my research into how to naturally rid our bodies of the worms, I stumbled on to how to avoid them, the importance of "gut health", and the importance of lowering inflammation. I began to remember all the information I had learned, that there are only two pillars of chemistry in our bodies, ALKALINE and ACIDIC. While I was stuffing my feelings with acidic food, I made a hospitable environment for the parasites to thrive.
My final breaking point were these worms in my belly, a reflection of my poor immunity and bulimia. A reflection I would face in my daughters eyes.
I was mind blown, even though I intuitively knew this information. Even though I had read about inflammation, juicing and plant based diet a zillion times. I had been vegan, paleo, vegetarian, plant based, and added all sorts of lifestyle changes to my diet but at the end of the day nothing stuck. I chose to blindly believe that with lots of exercise and adding some good foods in, that I was fine. And I was for a few years. But without the time to do 5-7 yoga classes a week and not having a job where I leave the house, the acidic lifestyle was catching up with me.
I was living as a victim for so many years, so mad that "no one taught me about balanced nutrition". Here I was inflicting the same environment upon my daughter and here was life presenting me with a reflection and an opportunity to change. To truly form deep change, from within (literally).
We now eat to fuel our GUT. We now drink all sorts of beautiful kefirs, probiotics, prebiotics, and we still have cheats too. I personally feel balanced and knowledgable. This blog is now the place where I will share my continued journey with you. In hopes in can inspire deep change in your life.
If ANY of this sounds familiar, know that you're not alone. It is easier to be a victim than change your entire belief systems. But I believe in you.
Here were my 5 steps to break the cycle.
1. Choose transformation.
Recognize that you have the power to change.
You are here in this life to experience pain, lack and need. You are here to move through those pains and become abundance. It is no ones job to hand it to you, but I promise the universe will show up to help you if you choose to transformation over victimhood.
2. Shift your perspective.
Instead of looking at changing your diet as hard work and dull, find passion for foods that fuel you. Look at these LIVE ingredients as fun. There are really so many beautiful fruits and veggies. There are organic and grass-fed animal proteins. And there are more blogs, recipes, and restaurants than ever offering exactly what you need.
Read, listen, take action. You are not alone. Look for motivation. Motivation doesn't exist without movement. Meaning you don't suddenly get motivation by sitting on the couch watching TV. You get motivation by adding some sort of stimulus. That is different for everyone, for me it is learning what the foods do to me and researching cool ways to introduce them to my life.
4. Give yourself less choices.
Meaning, there are only 2 categories of food intake. Helpful and harmful. Beneficial to your gut or harmful. Are you colonizing your bacteria or are you putting in things that will hinder your thriving colonies from growth.
5. No shame.
It's ok if it doesn't change overnight. It's ok if you eat unhealthy sometimes. It's ok if you fall off the path, you get back on. No one is perfect. I am not, my family is not. I am doing my best to create and environment that makes it easier to be healthy and I have bad days and weeks still. This is all about changing a cycle, it takes time to create new grooves in the mind. But it is possible and you are doing it. Just by reading this!